THE FERAL PRINCESS
Script: Ken Colliver
Reader: Larissa Guerrini-Maraldi
Format: Television Pilot, Original
Genre: Comedy fantasy
Setting: Fantastical, castle and woodland, medieval village town
Budget/Casting
-The fantasy medieval-like setting involves will likely mean and need period costuming, with creativity allowed, something to keep in mind pending the budget of the film
-Primary locations involve the castle (no specific location listed though can likely find one for shooting in the UK), mainly the throne room and Poppy’s bedroom, and the woodland or Dark Forest, which should have an appropriately uncertain, unfamiliar and ‘nightmare’ spooky vibe to it, as well as a medieval-like town village with a tavern, and an underground cavern for the tooth fairies’ lair
-There is VFX suggested or involved with the witch’s transformations (Katrina’s transformation from her raven form into her human self on page 2, Lydia’s transformation from her rock form into her human self on page 15), potentially with Lydia’s magic bag as she is able to pull endless objects out of it, and the savage fairies (page 18-19). These transformations however could be covered and achieved through editing and camera placement for cost effectiveness.
-There is the fancy prop design needed for the travelling guide book to the Dark Forest (page 13)
-The cast, as there is lack of specification and this is a fantasy story, can be played by anyone (multi-racial, though various kinds of British accent appear to be necessary for many character’s voices)
-Multiple extras will be needed for the mob crowd and for the royal guards
-Suggestion of a caution to viewers who are sensitive to teeth or mouth imagery, dentistry, and extraction (notably page 26), as well as to vomit (page 31-2) to be placed before the episode
Concept/Premise/Theme/Character Arcs
The kind of world established in this pilot script appears to be one where everyone is out for themselves, out of selfishness, linked to the king and queen and Poppy somewhat, or survival, the latter particularly applying to the likes of the witches and Rose, with Lydia seeming to occupy an area between the two as she is part of a community ostracized by the wealthy elite, but also desires to be gratified with alcohol. There is a level of sarcasm or wit to many interactions, which makes the moments of sincerity that do occur all the more potent, even if they are intentionally and eventually undermined (Rose looking up at the stars only to bite Poppy when she tries to embrace her on page 28 and the Queen Eileen emotionally recognizing and embracing her long lost daughter Rose only to throw up from her horrific stench on page 31). As long as those moments can be allowed to linger just enough, and it can be ensured that this narrative is not afraid to indulge in sincere moments, and to make sure there are enough that are not immediately shrugged off with a joke, this can easily be an assuring and rewarding experience for many viewers (Rose’s biting of Poppy works because it is in character for her, and they are not quite there in their relationship, giving the viewer a hope and expectation that one day the two will be able to embrace as siblings). The Princess Bride and Discworld are like this, and more recent films like Dungeons and Dragons: Honour Among Thieves and Puss in Boots: The Last Wish are especially amazing at this.
I appreciate the series’ title for the implications and dichotomous imagery it raises. ‘Feral’ implies someone bestial, animalistic, and wild, possibly angry, instinctual, unprotected, unfiltered, and non-verbal, whereas ‘princess’ is associated with femininity, royalty and power, structure, order, and organisation, as well as politeness, reservedness, gracefulness, and protection. While this title can apply and refer to the character of Rose, in her Rapunzel-Tarzan like status, it could also potentially refer to Poppy in the future, depending on the direction of the narrative in future episodes. If that is the case, the title carries a wonderful bit of foreshadowing and double meaning.
The story makes for a playful combination of Tangled meets Tarzan: a royal baby stolen by a witch, here due to a misunderstanding, what if Rapunzel had a sister who never got the attention she deserved due to the former being missing, and the Tarzan-like character being a lost princess who humanity wants to essentially domesticate, despite her actually being the most human and sincere of all of them. It provides a weird but wonderful premise and hook, and depending on the series length, the more playfulness and creative combinations that can be made of fantastical narratives and tropes, the better.
The kinds of humour mainly at play in the script are self-awareness (the captain of the guards for instance highlighting how the older Francis was somehow able to get to Lydia and Poppy before the younger, properly trained guards were on page 17), sarcasm, absurdity, subversion (the witches actually not planning to have stolen the babies, and fairies being bloodthirsty creatures), gross-out (notably Rose viscerally stabbing the fairy beyond the point of death, and the Queen’s vomiting toward the end on page 31), wordplay (Poppy’s ‘salad axe’ and ‘butter knife’ on page 6 is one of my favourites), visual (the ‘fifteen years later’ title card stands out), and even dark humour (the corpses of the previous trapped victims in the cage was a nice touch on page 22). There are contemporary and colloquial lines spoken by the characters, indicating that this is not at all a world meant to have historical accuracy to the medieval period, akin to something like Shrek. This works, especially in relation to character driven humour. It is important to remember that this is a fantasy as much as it is a comedy, and indicating why this story could only take place in a fantastical setting that leads to such creative humour is key. I appreciate moreover that settings like the Dark Forest, the title of the pilot, especially in its official introduction (page 4 with the ‘Keep Out!’ sign, and especially on page 16 when Lydia and Poppy first enter it), and the in the mentions by characters beforehand (page 3) are established to carry to sense of dread, which helps to create a variety of tone and sense of urgency, danger, and peril that not only serves to immerse the viewer in an unpredictable world where anything could be possible, but also creating a starker release of tension when the humour does occur.
In relation to the fantasy genre, I think that the narrator voiceover works for the moment, as it clearly situates this story in the realm of the fairytale, and could even lead to a fun sort of unreliable narrator with the reveal of the speaker being the witch Louise, the one who kicked off the plot in the first place, and appears to be some kind of if not the main antagonist for the season.
There is a theme of revenge and the pointless, repetitive nature of its cycle at play in the episode, as can be seen in the fact that the reason the king vows to hunt down and destroy the witches is related to a simple misunderstanding. The witch’s vengeance meanwhile is in response to a debt not being paid, as a result of loyalty and fairness being disregarded, positioning them as much more sympathetic and reasonable compared to the ungrateful, spoiled royals, even if they are capable of being foolish. It would be interesting if this theme is intended to be elaborated and expanded upon in the rest of the show. The fairy dentist’s line, vowing to avenge their queen for the violence done to their community (page 27) to me sets up a potential plot point that could return later in the season.
The notion of class, royalty vs peasants or witches, is established through the character’s interactions. Poppy’s privileged perspective is also acknowledged in the fact that while she doesn’t think it’s right the way the king treats the witches – even showing some social consciousness when she tells her father that his people tax money at work (page 7) – and proposes a way to ease the tension between the two groups, it is ultimately for her personal gain that she is relying on an underclass to benefit her. Her attempted disguise to interact with her “fellow peasants” (has very ‘How do you do fellow kids?’ energy) indicates her to be out of touch, making a mockery of her instead of the peasants. Her line ‘As father says, you must speak with the common folk on their level’ (page 8) indicates how she was defectively taught and learned behaviour that keeps her from recognizing her own biases. As long as this position of privilege and the way it can affect her treatment and understanding of others is kept in mind, Poppy can be a really well-rounded character, without her or the story coming across as hypocritical.
The role of identity, as suggested by the title of the series, and duality between Poppy and Rose as twins, sharing the same parents and face, yet raised in completely different, separate environments. It is interesting to note that Rose does not identify with or agree with the name she is told she has by Poppy (page 22), and this could potentially be something to further explore and develop in future episodes. “Rose” after all, is her civilization name, what would be the name possibly given to her by the wolves, or that Rose gave herself?
This ultimately appears to be a story about family and familial dysfunction and closeness, a story of two sisters, and even possibly found family in the case of Francis and Lydia. Moreover, the role of succession and inheritance is set up by the end of the episode when the king mentions that on a technicality that as Rose was born just before Poppy, despite both being twins, Rose is the one next in line for the throne (page 32), creating a comedically ironic twist of fate for Poppy’s seemingly heroic or well-intentioned actions. She achieves some form of love from her parents, notably her father the king Sylvester, but at what cost. It will be interesting to see how Poppy contends with this, and if she even potentially considers sabotaging Rose to ensure that she can maintain her future on the throne. I didn’t get a strong sense however that Poppy is a power-hungry individual, or that being queen is a primary desire of hers. Perhaps setting this up a bit more before this reveal at the end would create an even funnier payoff and also add a bit of edge to Poppy’s character that can lead to further flaws, change, or growth present in her character.
Poppy’s goal to find Rose, and her motivation to have the attention, love, and respect of her parents (page 6 with the line ‘Yeah so am I’ in response to Francis highlighting that Rose is their daughter), especially her father king Sylvester, who long for their absent daughter and in turn fail to appreciate or neglect their present daughter, is clearly established and reinforced. It’s quite notable that her first words after realising she’s found Rose is ‘Take that father!’ (page 21), gloating as opposed to wishing to learn and ask how her sister is. It is equally effective in the way that when she is trying to convince Rose to come back with her to the kingdom, she addresses the king and queen as her parents, only later correcting it to ‘our’ (page 23), and you can read her response to Rose asking if her parents love and miss her as both sincere and assuring, but also slightly envious.
Poppy’s characterisation based on the script as it stands is funny, resourceful but clumsy, cunning (she is able to bargain and negotiate with the townspeople and Lydia on pages 10 and 14), determined, kind, and open-hearted to an extent, making for a protagonist that is endearing but not perfect to the point of being uninteresting or unengaging to watch. Her personality and skills also provide a lovely contrast to the qualities and characterisation of Rose, her wild, childlike id mirror (quite literally visualised by the fact that they are twins, and Rose having limited speech while being compared to a ‘pouting toddler’ (page 23)), who is presented as fearless, unashamed, and also capable of humour, with a suggested fear of abandonment (page 23 when she mentions thinking she was thrown out by her parents) that could be interesting to explore in future episodes.
Poppy’s incompetence with weapons (seen as early as page 6 and reinforced especially during the chase-fight scene on page 19) establishes something that we can see her learn to improve on as the series progresses. I suspect that Rose will be key in supervising her training into becoming a more warrior-like princess who can take care of herself, something that I think is suggested in the way that they are shown to be able to do amazing things together as a team when rescuing Lydia and Francis (page 27). Maybe we could even see them discuss and coordinate a bit of a plan before they enact it.
The king’s lack of faith in Poppy (his colloquial Clueless-esque ‘As if!’ in response to her stating that she has found Princess Rose on page 30, in contrast to the queen’s delighted response, is appropriately irksome and disheartening) makes the audience sympathise and desire to root for her to succeed in her endeavour and prove him wrong. Now that she has proven him wrong seemingly for the first time though, this raises the question of whether Poppy will continue to seek and fight for his approval, or whether she will be able to realise that she is deserving of love, it does not have to be conditional or come from him. The characterisation of the king so far appears to be foolish and militaristic. I would be interested to see what attracted the queen Eileen to marrying him in the first place, unless it was an arranged marriage to begin with, and I was curious whether both have always been royalty or wealthy, though it seems like it from my impression.
The characterisation of the queen Eileen is overly emotional or sentimental (page 7 for instance), appearing to be played for humour for the most part, though the way that she instantly embraces Rose when she recognises it to be truly her (page 31) is very touching, and a marked contrast to Sylvester’s disbelief. Making sure that she is not purely one-note, while allowing her to be funny, is key. She could even stand up to Sylvester at some future point if there is appropriate build up to it. She could even strive to be a good or better mother to her two daughters, though with the way Francis and Lydia are set up as the true parental mentors to Poppy, it feels a bit unlikely at the moment, and that is perfectly fine if that is the intended direction.
The characterisation of Lydia is the competent, even powerful, but drunken, funny rebel against the ruling elite, who is not a saint (she does make a mess for the townspeople), but by no means a devil. It would be interesting to learn later why she began to rely on alcohol, perhaps this is to be revealed eventually in another episodes that explores her backstory. Her dynamic with the orderly, duty bound Francis, who both treat Poppy as their ‘kid’ (what Lydia literally refers to her as), makes for a fun back and forth that could make for an interesting relationship if these two characters are meant to be key supporting players.
The role of the birth mark is set up (page 1) and paid off (page 20), aiding Poppy and Rose to confirm that they are twin sisters related to each other, as well as acting as confirmation to their parents (page 31). Similarly, the heritage tracking potion is set up (page 16) and effectively paid off (page 26), and hopefully some form of it can be used again in a future episode, creating a sense of rewarding continuity for the viewer, and so that it does not feel merely like a one-off or merely for the sake of plot convenience in retrospect. It is also important that with magical features like this established to be possible, the viewer will have the question in the back of their mind if a character in the future forgets that they can use it.
By the end of the episode, it is clearly set up that the rest of the season is going to involve Poppy having to try to civilize her sister Rose, possibly failing to, seeing what that means for both of them, especially if Poppy desires to rule (that could be something a bit more reinforced before the big reveal at the end). I do somewhat question whether an audience is going to want to see a woman being “civilized” a la My Fair Lady, especially if there are any racial implications pending on casting, though I think as long as the narrative stresses the absurdity of the process, and indicates how little difference there is between being “civilized” and brutish or violent, this will make for a story that the viewer will both be entertained and impressed by in terms of humour and nuances.
There is an instance of bury your gays with the character of Katrina – Louise and Katrina kiss, the former calling the latter her ‘love’, and right after she is introduced, after being intimate with another person of the same gender no less, she is killed in an arguably pretty brutal, unfair way due to the guards’ incompetence, akin to police “accidentally” shooting a member of a marginalized community. They are also the first queer characters to be introduced in the series, and the fate they are given carries the implication that queer people do not get to have a happy ending in this fantasy space. If Louise is to have lost her lover here, she would be devastated, or at least feel some lingering effects of grief, which could make her comedic presence feel a little out of place, or if she is being set up as the major antagonist or foe of the season, that would make her a queer villain, and there are at the moment no other queer characters made explicit in this first episode, even if there are meant to be more queer characters that appear in future episodes of the series. If the viewer is meant to root against Louise for the most part in the narrative, it is a bit difficult to when her character is aligned with that of the oppressed or marginalised, a group that should be portrayed with humanity and complexity. To avoid this instance of a trope best left in the past, and likely turning off viewers a bit early on in the episode, either cut the LGBTQ aspect of Katrina’s character, or if this is to be built upon later in the series, have her character revived as a subversion, an example of the unbury your gays trope, perhaps even shown by the end of this episode, creating mystery as to how this was achieved and stopping viewers from dropping the show after such an occurrence.
The incompetence of the royal guard, perhaps akin to a commentary on the ineptitude of the police force, certainly carry an echo of the Night Watch from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, and even the guardsmen in Tangled, where the most competent force is literally a horse. It is key to emphasise that this incompetence is intended, which I believe is done through their shooting of the witch Katrina on page 4, the fifteen year later title card when they say they will find Princess Rose within a week on page 5, and their inability to stop Poppy from entering the forest, so much so that even the older, untrained Francis is able to outrun them on page 17. This is so that the viewer does not mistake their buffoonery for the show trying to make us sympathise with or endeared to them, as if to say cops are totally harmless, and it could be worth expanding upon in future episodes if they are to play a key role in the story in some way, maybe with a character to put a face to them.
The witches refer to humans as ‘mortals’, establishing a separation in terms of life span and experience between the two peoples. Drawing on this distinction to emphasise these differences in viewpoint and perspective will lead to this world and its characters feeling all the more lived in and realised.
The mystery as to who sent Poppy the travel guide book and why, which she initially thinks to be from her sister Rose, provides a sense of intrigue, and a plot thread to likely be answered in the future episode, even if the moment where Poppy suggests to Rose that she sent it is not one of her brightest moments.
As a small sidenote, I love the surname Splinster for Lydia, it feels very Terry Pratchett esque
For the sake of cultural sensitivity, Rose’s mask can be a simple mask rather than explicitly a tribal mask (page 20), which would feel appropriative especially if worn by a white woman.
Dialogue Notes and Suggestions
Be sure to edit your screenplay so that the character’s names, outside of when they are first introduced and speak their dialogue, are not capitalised, as is appropriate.
There are a number of misspellings or missing words in this script, which as an early draft is understandable, but can therefore easily break the reader’s immersion when reading, as they constantly have to note any corrections that need to be made, while they want to focus on the story, characters, and visuals being portrayed. The corrections needed are as followed:
Page 1: add ‘a’ in Louise’s line ‘there was king and queen’
Page 2: missing word ‘their’ in the line ‘It has been a week since the witches played part’
Page 3: change ‘address’ to ‘addresses’
Page 6: change ‘dinning’ to ‘dining’
Page 7: missing word, add ‘we’ to ‘so sent in’
Page 8: correct ‘she would be needed her journey’ to ‘would need help’
Page 9: add ‘heard’ ‘I’ve about this place’
Page 11: misspelling of Lydia
Page 14: misspelling of Francis
Page 15: missing apostrophe, change to ‘Poppy’s hairs’
Page 16: change ‘vile’ to ‘vial’
Page 17: misspelling of continuous, sprint (change from ‘sprints’), loses change from ‘looses’)
Page 21: misspelling of lair (change from ‘liar’), shackled (change from ‘shackles’), tries (change from ‘try’s’)
Page 26: misspelling of don’t (replace ‘do’), brushes (replace ‘brush’), flosses (replace ‘floss’), add apostrophe to ‘mans teeth’, vial (replace ‘vial’)
Page 30: misspelling of Lydia
Page 33: change ‘address’ to ‘addresses’
There are also pages where it would be good to specify if it is day or night so that the reader is not confused regarding the time (pages 21-28)
Dialogue suggestions are as follows:
Page 1: perhaps emphasise or further exaggerate the solid gold crib as gleaming, literally a cartoonish twinkle, reinforcing and setting up the tone of the series
Page 2: possibly expand on Katrina’s line as to showing the king for not paying his due, so that we can learn more about them rather than simply reiterate what the narrator voiceover stated. Why are the witches like this, so determined and ready to commit revenge? Is it a cultural practice or expectation, and how honourable are they? Do they have nobler intentions?
Page 4: can possibly cut part of the captain’s line ‘That’s the thing’, potentially better flow
Page 6: can perhaps cut Poppy;s line of exposition about ‘another failed venture into the dark forest’, as her line ‘I’m not even sure why they bother anymore’ stands out more, while the previous line is already implied and shown by the opening sequence. Also perhaps add the line ‘your sister’ to Francis’ line about how ‘Princess Rose is their daughter’
Page 16: perhaps no need for Poppy’s line ‘So this is the dark forest’, I think her gulp can say enough about how she feels, and can reinforce the dread the viewer has to the mysterious setting
Page 23: cut line ‘Rose refuses to believe a word of what’s being said’, already implied by her dialogue and action to move away from Poppy
Page 29: can possibly cut the word ‘therefore’ from Francis’ line
Conclusion and Verdict
There is a lot of potential in this script based on the ideas and setting presented, for something not only amusing and entertaining, but even insightful in relation to reflecting on our contemporary times, like the position and treatment of the voices of women and the lower class, and the senseless absurdity of the need for conflict and militaristic violence. If the above suggested points are expanded on or cut, particularly in relation to tropes that do not really land like the bury your gays and the tribal mask, then this has the makings of an immersive, poignant comfort show, and a lovely contrast to the more dramatic epic fantasy that occupies the television space at the moment. And shows like this certainly form passionate fanbases, as can be seen in the likes of Good Omens or The Legend of Vox Machina. It does however need a bit more work before full consideration and recommendation.
