GUT INSTINCT
Script: Michael Aicken
Reader: Larissa Guerrini-Maraldi
Format: Feature, Original
Setting: Contemporary, speculative (advanced technology), UK
Genre: Horror, comedy, mystery, drama
Budget/Casting
-As a contemporary narrative, with some relatively advanced technology like 3D projections, with reoccurring locations like the home of Coleen and Pete and the office space of Coleen, with spaces like the charity shop, restaurant, alleyways, police and detective office, hospital and warehouse, the budget for this feature appears to be relatively manageable.
-The cast, with the exceptions of Coleen and Carl who are specified in the script as white European, can be played by anyone (multi-racial, though do consider the privilege that white patients have over BIPOC patients is in relation to treatment and being taken seriously by doctors or police), and a trans woman must be cast for the role of Rosie. An older actress is needed for the character of Agnes (specified in the script as 85). The cast size is large considering multiple people needed for the teen girls, police officers, and nameless characters, some with dialogue, that appear for one scene only
-Horror fans especially I find would enjoy the monster transformation and duelling consciousness/possession exploration and the body horror/ gory aspects akin to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Possession and The Evil Dead (explicitly referenced in the script)
-Possible VFX needed for instances like the 3D projections and the surgery scenes
-Animal trainer and or dog (specified as golden retriever in script) for Sandy
-Licensed music used (page 90) (consider for budget)
-Gory effects, including much blood, human flesh, and viscera
Concept/Premise/Theme Exploration and Character Arcs
If the writer is looking to create a horror comedy, with attention to body horror and possession mixed with absurdity or self-awareness, and specifically in a hospital setting, Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace and 12 Hour Shift, as well as the supernatural sci-fi element of films like Reanimator and Horror Hospital (1973) I think would be worthwhile to examine, if desiring to appeal to those specific audiences. The beginning of the script with the older woman muttering a curse on the female protagonist, and the wild, humorous final 15 pages of the script, especially reminded me of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell, and if that was the intent, it was successful.
This is a narrative about transformation, connected to the way illness can permanently distort the body and our notion of self. The glazed eyes motif is an effective and creepy way to signify the change of Coleen into her “monstrous” murderous self. The way in which she consumes people, tearing into their flesh and growling is animalistic in nature, and an unnerving portrayal of the different consciousness, almost as if beyond bloodthirstiness, she wishes to destroy the healthy organs from the healthy bodies, as a way to make up for the healthy body she no longer has. The way this relates to disease, particularly cancer, as we fear losing our sense of control over our identity, no longer becoming recognisable, having to confront our own mortality (portrayed vividly through Coleen’s dreams or hallucinations of the colon, like pages 11 and 20) is very poignant, and the more this theme is centred, the more deeply I think audiences will connect with the film.
The attention to makeup, like female appearances and presentation, in moments like Coleen stopping to apply some eyeliner before escaping (page 88), also connects to the themes of disease and mortality, and could be further expanded on. There is the idea of discomfort in relation to talking about or seeing the female body, as highlighted by the male surgeon being embarrassed when trying to say the word ‘vagina’ to Coleen (page 44). Coleen’s body when in pain, as she clutches her abdomen, is even referred to in the script ‘like a woman instinctively does in pregnancy’ (page 8) and Agnes even asks toward the end of the narrative when she sees Coleen doubled over and vomiting whether she is pregnant (page 92). Aside from the notion of Coleen “giving birth” to a new self/the tumour consciousness, to me this relates to the underlying notion of how women can never seem to escape from the societally imposed idea that their bodies are tied to childbirth, and thus have their agency removed.
There is a female rage which I think can be thoroughly explored and shown, and I perhaps wanted to see more instances similar to when Coleen laughs maniacally at the venture capitalist characters (page 46). Experiencing pain, especially pain within the female body, which we have to be quiet about in order to not upset people or jeopardise our “legitimacy” in a patriarchal capitalist world is something I think that would be so gratifying to see portrayed.
The sense of mystery created through the missing/kidnapped teenage girls side-plot (introduced page 12) and paid off with them being discovered by Coleen (page 72 onward) I feel needs to be a bit more thematically resonant or mirroring of Coleen’s own personal journey, as it right now is just establishing a set-piece for a horror-action scene. I think there is something there in relation to the way that female bodies are perceived, exploited, and treated as disposable, as not having a self, much like how Coleen fears losing control over her own body and identity, which she could make explicit through discussion with other characters.
I am curious about the choice of the Greensleeves music motif, which I think works, and possesses interesting connotations (I wanted to know if the selection of song was highly intentional). The song itself is associated with unrequited love and female promiscuity (intriguing with the context of the scene where Coleen tempts and seduces Carl on pages 63-6,) in relation to syphilis, and thus sickness. Having this be associated with Coleen, as her alarm, and the final motif you hear with the ending (page 98), to me effectively horrifyingly implies the process of her consciousness being overtaken by the tumour, or that at the very least her identity is only recognised in relation to the cancer. As an aside in relation to Carl, it is intriguing that he appears to seek out younger women, effectively reflecting not only an inability to get over Coleen (made explicit with his line on page 58) and a desire to recapture the past (it’s almost as if he was cursed that day too) but to me suggesting a desire for power and authority that he could claim otherwise.
The use of flashbacks to provide information, in particular opening with the younger Coleen encountering the female patient that lays a ‘curse’ on her that will lead to the tumour in years time, is effective and appropriate in setting the plot in motion, as well as setting up Carl as her past boyfriend who will return later in the narrative as an emotional support and help in the place of Pete.
The detailed soundscape of crunching bodies, tearing meaty flesh, and spurting blood implies a rich sound design that is likely to thoroughly unnerve the viewer, often through the worst moments being left up to one’s imagination. It also helps to viscerally reflect at different points the inner world of Coleen.
Carl’s fate and deaths is referenced and foreshadowed effectively through dialogue and imagery (particularly the spatter of red soup across the table short of his white shirt, with Coleen’s line ‘Red is not a good colour on you’, on page 32), and is playful without being too overbearing.
The world of the script feels appropriately cynical at points, with the AI Joe Rogan conspiracy podcast (page 3), the ex-wife and cholesterol jokes made by the news presenters on TV (page 21). There are also undertones or references to casual or accepted misogyny and sexism in the office space (the sleazy older man sliding his hand down Carol’s back on page 24, and DS Robbins’ treatment of Chambers and Wallace on page 61).
Coleen’s want of desiring to overcome and beat her cancer I find to be effectively inferred, but I think could be more firmly established, particularly in relation to her profession as a computer scientist, as she appears to wish to develop a digital consciousness (page 9). This goal, and distinct profession, together with the 3D projections and the role of technology as a kind of immortality, but also a kind of horror where we may not have as much control as we think, is great to reinforce in the narrative as a way to individualise Coleen. I find that Coleen’s need in the narrative is to confront her reality, rather than trying to escape it through means like drugs (it’s interesting that she’s introduced watching a conspiracy video, a literal distortion of reality, where Pete’s first line is ‘I’m not into conspiracy theories’ on page 4, suggesting that he is an anchor to reality, and thus when she loses him, it should feel all the more like reality is disintegrating before her).
Coleen’s inner world and POV, conveyed through the digital hallucinations of the colon cancer, are effective visualisations and demonstrations of her anxiety and deepest fears over her fragility and loss of self (pages 11 and 20).
Admirable qualities of Colleen, like her intelligence, talent and skill with computers and technology (page 22 being a notable example), make her appealing to the audience, and thus all the more sympathetic when she is in a vulnerable state, confused as to what is happening to her, and asking for help.
The loving nature, chemistry and joking banter established in Coleen and Pete’s relationship is really lovely and helps the viewer to become engaged with their relationship and distressed or upset when Pete is potentially, and eventually, in danger and dead.
The typical horror trope or stereotype of the old/POC woman cursing the white protagonist is somewhat tired, where she exists only for plot development, carrying some unfortunate racial implications. This also appears to be the only explicit reference to a woman of colour in the narrative. Perhaps diverse casting for other key characters, like Chambers and Wallace, could help to mitigate any harmful or reductive implications, but it is still something to be aware of or consider in its inclusion.
The character of Carol I thought was going to potentially play a larger role in the narrative (as one of the few named characters, like with Rosie). I am curious as to why Coleen places trust in Carol, as she is her assistant (specified as younger and mousy on page 11), and she appears to be the first one outside of Pete to learn about Coleen’s cancer diagnosis (page 23), though she seems to be somewhat incompetent as she is introduced as having made a mistake that needs fixing and thus somewhat of a nuisance or disruption to Coleen’s goals (page 15). Coleen appears to be aware of her overly emotional nature, where Carol, rather than her, becomes the one who needs to be consoled, and Carol is the one who cannot keep a secret and reveals to the venture capitalists Coleen’s diagnosis, compromising her job (I wasn’t quite sure if this was deliberate out of a deliberate desire for her position to be undermined, or simply genuine concern though I lean toward the latter). She does receive some small consequences in that she is seemingly shown the door or simply told to leave by Coleen, but maybe more with her character could be done as an ally to Coleen, or as a younger version that Coleen sees herself in, wishes she could be like, or wants to be different from, now that she knows she could have limited time left.
The kind of comedy often present in the script ranges from cringe/awkward, ironic, misunderstanding, gross out, absurd, or self-aware. A lot of the humour derives from the lesbian cops – both named Vanessa – either from their wit, self-awareness or obliviousness. The fact that this is present with these characters more than anyone else in the narrative can lead to them feeling like they exist in a different movie, with their incompetence and questionable actions (like getting snacks and comically failing to notice Coleen’s murder of Carl, thinking that he’s operating on her on page 66, and Chambers taking coke that was stolen from a dead man on page 74). I do appreciate though the loving and joking nature of their relationship, as a sort of parallel to Pete and Coleen’s. So long as the pathos for them isn’t compromised or neglected, and their connection to Coleen given weight, they can be really great. There is mention of their personal history and struggle with connecting with specific family members on page 67 which is interesting, and they are capable of being perceptive as Chambers is able to determine that Carl’s screaming is a recording on page 70. And I love the little moment on page 79 where Chambers comforts the missing girls, acting as a protector and source of stability, like she is there to help restore their identities and sense of self which she can possibly relate to as her identity is questioned by her police force. The moment where Chambers is kissed by Wallace and ‘looks embarrassed and glances out through the blinds into the open plan main office’ on page 50 could be an interesting thread in relation to how they reconcile their identities and relationship within an institution that has historically persecuted those of their community.
The character of Agnes feels relatively stock, seemingly stuck in the same place of her backyard like an NPC at her guaranteed mission/side quest spot. I do feel like her reoccurring gag of feeding flesh and raw chicken to the birds while creepy and goofy, and gives a distinct visual within the film, can not only get old but also be a reductive and possibly derogatory representation of elderly disabled people. So potentially major changes need to be made to her character, or she could be removed without too much being lost.
The set-up of Agnes’ shotgun (page 39) is effectively paid off toward the end of the narrative when she shoots at Coleen (page 92).
The tagline ‘Coleen’s cancer is different: it kills people’ hooks me immediately and is good to have in the text (as seen on page 85).
I was not sure if this was intentional, but Coleen’s name phonetically sounds similar to colon, the organ with which her cancer is related (in much the same way that she has a sigmoid tumour, like her last name Sigmund, which is simultaneously a fun allusion to the unconscious mind, made explicit on page 75 when Wallace confuses Colleen Sigmund for Sigmund Freud) and I thought was an interesting way of hinting or suggesting the way her disease has perhaps already literally subsumed her identity.
The red pill/blue pill motif, the former specified as the Phosphate painkiller and the latter the Temazepam sleeping pill (introduced page 41), appears to be an allusion to The Matrix (I believe made explicit on page 76, as the line is very similar to one said by a character in that film) with the Temazepam blue pill therefore being related to maintaining Coleen’s illusion that she is in control. I think is a nice and effective little reference, especially if the role of technology as its own kind of horror is emphasised.
Content warning likely needed for things like vomit, blood and viscera, for anyone especially squeamish, and animal death.
Dialogue Notes and Suggestions
‘Two venture capitalists’ (page 10) should be capitalised as they are introduced as characters on this page.
I noted on page 20 that there is an edit to be made, where Rosie’s age of twenty five should be put in numerical form, to be consistent with the other characters as introduced in the script.
Perhaps there could be more moments setting up Coleen’s transformation, as in a way of showing her enhanced reflexes that she shows to Carl (page 32), as it was not really established in my reading how this knowledge of hers was established beforehand (unless her fixing several computers in ninety minutes on page 22 is meant to set this up in some way).
Agnes’ line at the start of page 40 could be altered to avoid word repetition: change ‘I only noticed it when I went out for my cigarette. I only smoke one cigarette each day, after lunch to’ ‘only smoke one a day, after lunch’.
I’m not sure if the line ‘It’s always a black Mercedes’ (page 72) in relation to Coleen witnessing the kidnapper’s car needed. There is a self-aware humour within the script, I’m just not certain if it is needed to relieve the tension (it reminds me of Carol’s ‘This is nothing like the TV show’ on page 25).
I have an alternate line suggestion. The classic standard line ‘I think you’ll want to hear this’ (page 82) is likely familiar to movie savvy audiences, and could take them out of the film, so maybe you can replace it with something like ‘maybe you’ll need to sit down for this’ or ‘Please, just listen’.
I’m not sure if Wallace’s self-aware line ‘It’s more blood than we’ve ever seen. And we’re a lesbian couple whose periods have synchronised’ (page 83) is that funny, and I think is a reflection of how the script becomes more campy and humorous in the final 15 pages.
Coleen’s dialogue, ‘you’re going to make me very angry, and trust me – you don’t want to sese that’, feels too superhero-esque, and I did not receive the impression from the rest of this narrative that it was aiming for such a story or genre. Wallace’s following dialogue ‘I had no idea she was such a diva’ also feels like a quip you could find in such a film.
I think you can cut Wallace’s line ‘Keep that shit for Tik Tok’ (page 87) as the more emotionally timeless this story can be, the better, and references like this can someone date the film. Though again the references to makeup and female appearance/problems are something that could be further expanded upon in relation to Coleen’s struggle with cancer and self-consciousness.
I’m not sure about Coleen’s dialogue reference to a brand/product ‘Thank you Gucci’ (page 95) right before the intense moment where she conducts her own surgery. It also somewhat reduces Coleen’s personal belonging, which she has stated before is valuable to her, to the brand itself rather than anything sentimental or related to her desire for control or agency. It takes me out of the scene personally, and the more invested we can feel in Coleen’s plight, and the more in awe we can feel for her in performing her own surgery in order to stop the tumour from taking over, the better.
There is a quip-iness in the last 15 pages more so than elsewhere, with more goofiness and campiness (the direction ‘the twink officer’ for instance made me feel like I was in a different tone or story). I think that it is important not to lose the pathos for Coleen as she experiences this monstrous transformation and loss of self. If the tone within these 15 pages is what the rest of the narrative is intended to be like, or more in line with the writer’s vision, I would suggest a more extensive rewrite.
Coleen’s handbag specified by her as a precious item (page 55). Perhaps a little more attention can be given to it in order to create tension whenever it is compromised, particularly if it relates to her identity and sense of control.
The Focus on the Family anti LGBT organisation reference (introduced page 5 and followed up on page 85 with the surgeon calling Wallace and Chambers “brave”) is appropriately framed in a negative or mocking light, though I think perhaps it could be slightly expanded upon or connected more into the narrative in relation to how Wallace and Chamber’s identity being literally policed can parallel the way Coleen’s cancer polices or demands control over her identity. If the writer just wants these characters to exist as a lesbian couple without the narrative commenting on it as anything unique, then maybe remove reference to this real organisation.
Portrayal of drugs and medications is important to get right. For the Temazepam, it is usually 1 a day at no more than 10mg or 20mg as specified by doctor (30 mg as suggested on page 33 I think would be too high a prescription) and used for debilitating insomnia. It is usually for short term treatment as taking too much can lead to habit forming and addiction. It is important to portray matters of medication sensitively in order to not send the message that medication is actually the “problem” and going off meds being the solution, rather than the complicated matter where is medication is one of many sources of treatment for people with physical or mental disorders.
Conclusion and Verdict
Overall, I can see this film sticking with people in the way that it absurdly but insightfully explores anxieties related to the way illness, specifically cancer, can have an overwhelming impact on one’s body and sense of self, particularly in relation to female identity. The process of transformation into an animalistic creature is not only a haunting and effective way to intrigue horror fans, but the bodily pain or need for pills to sleep and drugs to take away the grief, could potentially resonate with people who have experienced such a diagnosis, or those who have known people with it. This story is highlighted as a comedy horror though, and while there are comedic moments in the narrative, it is only really the final fifteen pages that lean fully into the comic and absurd nature of the story. As for comedic characters, the officers Wallace and Chambers appear to act as the primary source of levity, and potentially making them not the most comedy reliant characters could be beneficial. As a horror feature, or supernatural-sci fi horror drama, I think it could work for recommendation, though on my personal end, I can sense that this script carries greater ambitions and potential that needs to be further realised. If the emotional weight of Coleen’s predicament can be completely maintained and tapped into, particularly in relation to feelings of feminine rage and fears of mortality or dying with regrets, I think there could be something really strong and affecting.
