THE WANDERER
Script: Matthew Stalletti
Format: Feature, Original
Genre: Thriller, Romance, Supernatural Fantasy
Setting: Contemporary, location not specified, assuming US, and Los Angeles, California for the latter half of the narrative based on the presence of Hollywood Boulevard
Budget/Casting
-As a contemporary narrative, with the primary locations involving Robin’s house and bedroom/June’s house, the abandoned cathedral, the mansion with a pool, as well as the Rewind café, the bar, a police station and interrogation room Alex’s apartment, a cemetery, a firing range, a lake front with a bridge, a board room, a diner/restaurant, board room/conference room, dress shop, a limo, a Dolby theatre for the Oscar ceremony, and a sewer tunnel, the budget for this feature can be manageable to a degree, depending on whether filming in Hollywood/California is possible or affordable.
-There is VFX involved for the rift created by the dagger of destiny (page 28), and Byleth’s demonic transformation (page 116) which could also use practical effects
-There is a somewhat fancy prop needed for the Dagger of Destiny and Byleth’s extremely long contract, as well as Robin’s Academy Award, and the Wanderer Cup
-The cast can be played by anyone (multi-racial, though do consider then it comes to working in the Hollywood industry and who gets to be successful or win major awards, and how the police treat suspects, how there are more struggles and barriers for BIPOC individuals)
-Extras will be needed for crowd scenes like the audience in the hotel banquet room at the beginning (page 1-3), the conference room and front lobby (page 10), the bar scene (page 15-18), Robin’s fans/the hotel guests at the Hollywood Roosevelt (page 62), the Hollywood Roosevelt club people (page 65), the red carpet and the police officers (page 109)
-While the film is intended to reach and resonate with general audiences, particularly 18+ above young and old, to assure them that it is never too late to change, to take control of one’s laugh or start anew. Those who work in the film, television, and creative industry will particularly connect with Robin’s struggle to get things made and the challenges of making a script or story ‘marketable’ and seen and believed in by enough individuals or the right people.
Concept/Premise/Theme/Character Arcs
The title ‘The Wanderer’ (as a story that stresses the importance of titles in relation to identity and self-knowledge), in addition to connoting a state of loneliness, detachment, aimlessness, unrestrained restlessness, freedom and adventure (all of which reflect Robin’s character through most of the story, as someone who doesn’t know much about love and is struggling to find his place), alludes to the cup given to Robin by June (page 5), which acts as a representation of their relationship and connection, and is in turn immortalised in Robin titling his script by the end (page 119), adding a sort of metatextual layer and circularity to the whole narrative. As an image and symbol that holds and is revealed to carry such importance, maybe one or two more inclusions of the Wanderer cup through the second half of the story (after the three-year time skip) would be good for the audience to be reminded of its significance. From what I can see its last notable appearance before the end is page 28 when Byleth summons it through the rift, an interesting choice that it is that object of all the things he could pull out. This can act to show how Robin has changed with his ascension into fame and fortune, yet still holds onto something so mundane, perhaps suggesting that he is not entirely gone or that his guilt is eating away at him. The change in how a character treats an object can act as an effective illustration of their development, or even the status of their relationship to another character, particularly in where they place it, whether it be in view or out of sight. You could have Robin for instance hiding the Wanderer cup in the closet or a drawer, either taking it out more into the open, or leaving it there hidden, or bring it back again when they are packing their suitcases, or maybe it’s a cup used to hold other objects, you can get creative here.
This is a be careful what you wish for/be grateful for the things, people and life you have narrative, which is a familiar but effective and affecting one, with the protagonist’s journey ultimately resolving into something positive, life-affirming one, a classic case of getting not what you want but what you need, with just enough bittersweetness and sacrifice to not feel like Robin gets to be completely happy with no consequences.
The story touches upon fiction and reality and how closely the two can intertwine, with the opening line being ‘Fiction is the lie through which we tell the truth’ (page 1) and returns later during the Oscar ceremony, notably stated by Byleth. Robin’s pitch very much establishes a parallel and direct foreshadowing to his own life and the journey he will need to go on, to dismantle his ‘guarded heart’ and the ‘emotional barriers he’s build to protect himself’ (page 2), and let himself be seen, which he will learn to do through June, his “Emma”. Robin’s own lack of experience with relationships or real love (page 8-9) is what appears to be the reason the romance in his fiction doesn’t feel genuine. Robin and June also have an engaging discussion about why we write and tell stories, to resolve an inner dilemma and achieve self-understanding (page 21). There is also the instance of dreams becoming reality through the wishes, and yet because of Robin’s awareness that this reality is not possible without the wish – Logan’s comment that there are ‘no shortcuts’ (page 74) and the Oscar ceremony scene (page 79) embodies this – it does not feel ‘real’ but hollow. Moreover, the ending is where a reality, that was once a fiction or dream, becomes a literal fiction, both in Robin’s action to undo the reality, and in his action of creating the script.
Ultimately this story suggests and emphasises the value of connection, and the importance of love and relationships to one’s personal growth, as opposed to fame and fortune which can stifle it, with no one truly being as alone in their struggles. Marisa’s pointed line ‘What do you know about love Robin?’ (page 8) feels indicative of Robin’s conflict and what needs to learn in order to mature. And through June, Robin initially may not trust himself, but by trusting her, and wanting to make good on his promise, he is able to grow. June’s line as well about the trick to hitting your target being to ‘let it go’ (page 51) instead of keeping it in to me speaks to both the necessity for emotional vulnerability and potentially foreshadows Robin needing to let her go in the end as well. Love can make you feel like you can do anything, as page 58 explicitly states in the exchange between June and Robin. Robin’s retort to Byleth when he asks what changed – ‘I’m not alone anymore’ (page 60) suggests that love can protect from manipulation by evil, and is arguably reinforced when June shoots Byleth out of love for Robin (page 85). Robin’s relationship and love for June is the one thing in the post time-skip corruption arc that he is not willing to sacrifice, as suggested by his interaction with the lady at the bar when she makes a move on page 66. This notion of the importance of a support system is further evident through the sub theme of family trauma and grief, with both Robin (established page 15), June and Alex (page 39) sharing the loss of a parent respectively, and Robin in particular providing comfort to Alex by the end. The ending is interesting in that Robin is giving up these close relationships he has formed with June and Alex, though it’s clear that he’s going to make an effort to be there for Marisa. And his readiness to sacrifice his connection with them in order for them to be happier or even safe could illustrate the depth at which he has come to love. Although with Byleth appearing to be gone as suggested by the absent advertisement (page 116) I question the point as to why he would need to abandon them, especially if they wanted to stay close to him.
The romance between Robin and June is sweet in the way they banter with and care for each other as ‘partners in crime’, and we can see why they would like each other. Page 57 is especially cute with Robin stating how he loves that June can shoot a gun and have a deeply philosophical analogy about life later. There is however one or two things that could possibly stop a viewer from rooting for their relationship. We see how Robin benefits from being with June, opening up to her about his screenwriting process and progress (pages 20-2) and promising her to write with his heart ‘something personal’ next time. While that promise is delayed a while, it culminates in a fulfilment and evolution of his character into a more confident, honest, and brave person. June is more the supportive partner than an equal, though Robin does ask her if she is truly happy with the life she is living with him (page 76). Robin’s actions in deliberately controlling an element of her life to suit his desires through getting her boyfriend to appear to be cheating (we don’t see much of their relationship but they appear to be content from what we see, page 36) so that they can potentially get together are selfish. She is in the rain ‘in her own world’ (page 37), placing her in the same position of despair he was in the beginning of the story, making Robin appear cruel. However, if the intention is to complicate the audience rooting for Robin, this is effective, emphasising his flawed nature and the dangers of the wishes. While not intentionally, Robin being part of the reason she doesn’t pursue her dream of being a professor, making her feel more alone than before (page 67), and a potential victim to Byleth (page 73), is significant. Robin’s exclamation that he is ‘the king of the world!’ (page 68) being literally placed side by side with June’s disillusioned smoking on the balcony underscores this. Their exchange on page 94 where June suggests to swap driver and passenger roles, with Robin asserting that he likes driving, somewhat embodies this as well: Robin is the driver of their story, while June is the passenger. Robin does ultimately end up being remorseful for his actions, recognising that he doesn’t deserve June (page 87). Although this acts as a moment of emotional vulnerability that is good for Robin’s arc, June, while loving and showing the depth of her compassion and empathy in their relationship, is possibly too accepting and forgiving of Robin’s actions (page 87 and possibly 106 with the loss of Alex and Frank) as it has been three years that he has kept this secret from her. While the narrative is a romantic thriller from Robin’s perspective, for Jane this would be a horror movie. Her life was influenced and manipulated by the man who she loves and trusts; he was keeping secrets for so long and might have continued to do so were it not for Byleth’s interference and Robin’s fear and conscience getting the better of him. So there could be possibly be a bit more anger, or at least not a total forgiveness of Robin on her part. There is also a love scene between the two following this confession, which while reflecting they are both on the same page now and open to each other, if June is to not be entirely forgiving, it can be cut. I do appreciate though June’s line ‘I missed you’ (page 89) in relation to the restoration of the emotionally vulnerable Robin as the one she loves. Byleth may be in the way of their relationship – he is quite literally an obstacle that stops Robin from entering June’s house (page 58) – but he is a manifestation of Robin’s fears and insecurities which are the true villain of this story.
A distinction between love and a desire for love is made by Byleth (page 35) in relation to how Robin feels about June. This is important to reinforce as this appears to be what June feels to an extent toward Robin following her breakup with her boyfriend and their time at the lakefront which the direction describes her as ‘infatuated’ (page 57). Frank also indicates to Robin how soon he and June got together following her break-up (page 48). Robin sees June as enough of an object to be controlled for the sake of his happiness, even if he does learn what real love is. It is clear that they like and appreciate each other, but making it clear that there these kinds of flaws in the relationship, and them eventually aware too, could make their relationship feel all the more nuanced and real.
Robin’s mentor role to Alex in screenwriting (starting around page 46), with the latter’s idolization, like that of a superhero (page 66), makes for an intriguing side journey that shows both Robin’s corruption (page 63 particularly plays into the themes of creativity/the heart vs the head/business) and his redemption. Their conversation in which Alex questions why Robin wants to make movies and he is unable to answer, as Alex believes Robin knows what he’s doing because he made it (page 71) is effective in crumbling the lie Robin is telling himself, urging his need for self-discovery. Robin and Alex’s conversation regarding character journeys and ups and downs, with Robin responding that all of that is ‘just movies’ (page 93), to keep searching for meaning, and Robin’s assurance to Alex that he isn’t a ‘nobody’ (page 100) as well as eventually his grief over the loss of his mother (page 117) are touching moments. Even if this is a story that focuses on romance, familial and found familial bonds are just as important, and getting them right would only increase the viewer’s appreciation for the film. Robin could be tiny bit more torn up and upset by the murder/death of Alex, even though it’s clear he wants to fix things by rewinding time back to when he was alive (page 111).
This is also a story about Time and the ease through which we let Regrets mount up and cloud our perceptions of ourselves. We let missed opportunities go by and influence our negative self-judgment. Robin himself almost misses the chance connect with June at the coffee shop, him leaving before she has the opportunity to look back up to see him (page 6), reflecting how his impatience and defeatist attitude are a critical flaw. In contrast, June’s more positive outlook allows her to not ruminate on her errors or anxieties (page 56); beautifully ironic for someone who wants to teach history. While she is more patient about getting where she wants to be in regard to her goal of being a history professor (page 19-20), she could easily like Robin wait too long to achieve her goals, even with the reality of money being present. June’s line about her mother looking out for everyone but never for herself (page 39) arguably acts as a reflection of what June herself needs to do in order to avoid making the same mistakes. The detail that the story begins on June’s 23rd birthday associates her with new beginnings and fresh starts, both for Robin when he meets her, and at the end when he allows her to live her life without him. Logan also refers to both Robin and Alex as ‘kid’ highlighting both their youth and their inexperience. While doing so might be a bit patronizing, in reality it reinforces the truth that success is not automatic. In order to be a good or even great artist, patience, determination, hard work and time are needed (alongside an element too easily forgotten: emotional vulnerability). Robin regrets and admits he was wrong for leaving Marisa behind for the past three years (page 96), but what matters is his commitment to being there for her going forward, both then and in the rewound timeline.
June’s interest in history and her explanation for it as something ‘personal’ (page 53, set up on page 17), where we must face our past, meaning and including our mistakes, in order to learn who we are and grow to become who we want to be, the best version of ourselves, even if we can’t go back in time to do things differently (with Robin notably saying it’s a shame we can’t, implying he is ruled by regret instead of moving forward) is both a lovely bit of characterisation for her as someone determined and hopeful – which makes the somewhat lost, disappointed self she becomes following the three year time skip all the more heart-breaking to see. Her reflection also illustrates that Robin needs to learn not to run away or accept things for the way they are.
Arguably the most central theme of this story is the notion of Destiny vs Agency and Control, with the underlying message that destiny is what we make of it. Robin early on is very hopeless, as evidenced by his conversations with his mother Marisa where he expresses dissatisfaction but feels there is nothing he can really do to change things (page 24 being a breaking point). He is aligned at this moment with the belief that he is not enough by himself, even as he strives to have his script picked up through going to the conference. His action in swiping the VIP badge, a questionable action, effectively illustrates his driven, determined, opportunity seeking nature. Marisa’s line ‘Everything happens for a reason’ (page 8) can read as letting destiny take its course and trusting in what you can’t see yet, though Robin is understandably upset with this uncertainty. While what she said is out of well-meaning love, it ignores the feelings of powerlessness he is currently experiencing. Byleth preys on those like Robin who are vulnerable, with his own billboard message ‘Rewrite your Destiny’ (page 4) pinpointing and appealing to those who want easy fixes in their lives, solutions to solve all their problems without having to do any hard, personal work or reflection. Interestingly, his offer to Robin being to change his ‘story’ (page 14), which is different from saying change his life, subtly suggests that rather than giving Robin agency, he is taking away his ability to be in charge of his real life and affect it for the better in exchange for a fantasy, Robin’s desired narrative ‘story’. While Robin agreed to the wish, the reality itself didn’t come about through his hard working actions.
June herself gives her take on destiny that ‘Our path forward is undefined’ (page 51), providing a hopeful insight to Robin and the audience that while not having a set destiny is scary, it can be liberating when you realise you can ultimately be the master of your own fate. Like June says to Robin, it’s only ‘Not yet’ (page 54), ‘never too late to write something new’ (page 95). You must therefore however be responsible for it and toward others as well. Honesty and bravery as qualities tied to the heart and agency (the action of whether to tell the truth or withhold, or to confront or withdraw) and are discussed poignantly in the conversation between Robin and June (page 39), in Robin’s conversation about what his father meant by being honest which often meant being brave (page 97). They very much part of Robin’s character in the third act, beginning when Robin chooses to tell June the whole truth (page 86) – simultaneously showing the importance of emotional honesty in relationships – as well as his affirmation to Logan that his screenplay was not good (page 91), telling June that they have to be brave even when they’re both scared (page 111), and Robin’s discussion with Alex about how his own dad’s teachings keeps him alive in his heart (page 117). I might also suggest Marisa explicitly mentioning the need to be ‘brave’ in one of her arguments with Robin earlier on as it could then feel a little more full circle.
As a film about agency and the power we have to talk control over our lives, it is also important to show that one should not use their power to rob others of their agency. In that regard, the ending reminds me of the conclusion of Spiderman No Way Home, where Peter Parker also has to undo a reality from existing, through erasing himself from people’s memory, meaning his loved ones too would forget about him. MJ makes him promise to come find her, even remind her of him, in the future when things reset, something that is particularly important to her as someone who has grown so much from their relationship. When he meets her again though, he decides against revealing to her who he is. While as the audience we are meant to read this as him being selfless in letting her go so that she does not get hurt again, it goes against the request that she made herself, denying a part of her agency. Something like this I feel happens with Robin deciding to not tell June and leave her be. While it creates a bittersweet ending where he can’t have it all but he can get what he needs, to me it robs June of a bit of that agency. Although June is not a one-to-one character with MJ, as she appears to be relatively happy and stable with her life, and Robin was selfish in trying to manipulate some of her life for his gain, contributing to her not pursuing her teaching goal, so it’s likely better they go their separate ways, this is something to consider.
Similar to the dagger of destiny, the Handgun represents a tool of agency, literally putting another person’s life into your own hands. It’s interesting in that regard, and ironic, that June comments that guns scare her (page 51), when later she will be the one to help save Robin from Byleth during one of their confrontations using a firearm. This moment also helps with the balancing act to ensure that neither one is a pure damsel in distress, and that no matter what they will be there for each other, making the audience want to see them turn out okay together.
The firing range scene by extension acts a clear literal and figurative representation of Robin knowing, going for, and being able to meet his targets. I’m curious as to whether his father or Marisa took him to the shooting range as a kid. I could be reading too much into this but the fact that it was him who designed with date for them without her knowledge subtly reflects how he is taking control over and overseeing her life, robbing her of some of her agency even if he doesn’t mean to. The set up and payoff for the use of the hand gun (page 51, page 97), and June’s later acquiring of the AK-47 (page 50, page 111), are also done effectively, with the firing range acting as good training ground for them to be able to handle the police (page 109).
Robin’s shaving of his beard, a physical transformation, I think works as a gesture that embodies his newfound sense of agency, visually distancing himself from letting things literally take care of themselves. Byleth’s later comment ‘You looked better with the beard’ (page 82) is a nice snarky moment which, by the fact that it is said by the antagonist, reinforces this point of taking control of one’s destiny outside of external forces or approval.
The use of cigarettes to signify Robin’s disillusionment and further descent into corruption, established early on from page 3, is effective, a familiar image used purposefully. June’s commenting on the harmful nature of the activity (page 56), and Robin’s passive ‘I know, I know. I will’ (page 56) represents his tendency to put off the important opportunities that matter. That June later picks up that same habit herself (page 68), effectively illustrates how Robin’s corruption has rubbed off on her, showing how even if she won’t say, she does not truly care for the life she is living. Robin’s eventual disgust (page 92) and abandonment of his smoking habit by the end (page 118), fulfilling his promise to give up to June, is a lovely culmination of this small thread and an effective visualisation of his arc toward taking responsibility and being active.
Something to be appreciated is the exploration of Art, Creativity and the Heart vs Business and Commerciality in relation to the ruthlessness of the film industry where only a few can make it. This feeds a cycle of pessimism and cynicism within writers and artists, who in turn become afraid to wear their heart on their sleeve in their work, and can inadvertently lead to lesser scripts. Robin receiving minimal applause after he opened himself up to share his story (even if the story itself isn’t coming from his heart) and the embarrassment as his pitch is called unoriginal, generic and lacking indicates the perfectionist and even risk-averse nature of executives when it comes to selecting scripts, even if it is necessary from their perspective for what is on the line. Logan’s responses to Robin’s and Alex’s scripts not being ready or good enough to pick up are hard to hear but reasonable, and likely all too familiar to those trying to make it in the industry. Robin’s outburst about why do we make movies (page 91), acting as pretty much one of the big theses from the film, could likely resonate with a lot of creatives who have to struggle with the controlled, unsafe nature of Hollywood filmmaking and storytelling. The ‘film with no name’ being framed as innovative and a successful marketing tactic (page 32) feels both plausible and humorously pretentious. Robin’s advice to Alex to prioritise the sellable, marketable nature of the script (page 63) acts as an effective illustration of his corruption and in turn suggests to the audience that this is not the mindset to take when making art. As Robin’s journey suggests though, you can’t spell heart without art. Logan’s statement that there are ‘no shortcuts’ (page 74) is true in the sense of people without privilege or established connections getting things made. There could potentially be a slight nod to the fact there are ‘shortcuts’ or cheating in the game in the form of nepotism and people who have money.
The broken Oscar acts as an effective, memorable visualisation of Robin’s decision to distance himself from fame and fortune (his readiness to give up his wish that made his screenplay a success) and to prioritise his relationships and the ones he loves.
There is a prominence of the colour red: in Robin’s blazer at the beginning (page 1), which becomes his tuxedo after the time skip (page 61) and that Byleth wears a version of later (page 82), underscoring how he and Robin aren’t so different, and the Hollywood red carpet itself. This helps the film’s identity in giving it a striking image to be associated with. Red tends to connote passion, ambition, as well as violence, blood, and in the case of the devil, hellfire. I found this choice purposeful, and could see it integrated more, where Robin’s colours change or diverge from this colour over time, as a reflection of his regression and progression as a character.
June having glasses in the first half of the story, possibly figuratively symbolic of the clarity of her vision for her future and her sense of self, to her not having glasses in the second half (page 66), but feeling more confused and lost, is a fun play on the usual trope of the woman needing to lose her glasses to fully become herself or truly beautiful in the eyes of her man. Similarly, the presence of Robin’s sunglasses in the second half (page 61 and 69) visually signifies his dismissiveness or blindness to the reality before him. They serve to suggest a guise of superiority or aloofness, but his concealment of his eyes, the window to the soul, conveys how he is still afraid of being vulnerable.
I’m not sure whether this is intentional or not, but I detect a fire and water motif that runs through the script. Fire being associated with cigarettes (the need for a lighter) and in turn a kind of corruption, punishment, or fiery anger and passion, whereas water appears with repeated instances of rain when characters are experiencing heightened emotional states, and most importantly, moments of honesty (Robin’s script being dismissed by Logan, June finding out her boyfriend has cheated on her, June and Robin bonding after their chase escape scene, Robin falling into the pool after winning an Oscar and feeling nothing, June and Robin saying goodbye and kissing tearfully in the rain as thanks her for showing him that he can open his heart). It might be interesting to further explore or integrate this motif.
The imagery of the egg carton in relation to Marisa’s request to Robin for him to acquire them for her (page 9) is interesting, as eggs are typically symbolic of new life or rebirth. While perhaps not intentional, as perhaps it could have been any random food item she was asking for and eggs would be an example, you can read into this as Marisa’s desire for her son’s renewal, and him finally getting them for her in the end (page 118) signifies that renewal. Robin also eats eggs at the diner following his deal with Byleth, maybe subconsciously suggesting a desire for renewal or even just his mother being on his mind, you could potentially draw attention to this.
The characterisation of Byleth as charming, snarky, jesting, confident, alluring, all-knowing omnipresence (with his appearance in various roles like the janitor, the waiter, the dress stop employee or the award presenter) makes for an intimidating, looming antagonist that the audience likely anticipates scene to scene. His official introduction at the bar, where he appears as a generous stranger, perhaps a bit too generous to be true, is a good intriguing set up before we truly get to know him. Byleth being able to vanish (instances like page 14, page 27-8, page 30), together with his dated clothes and decaying throne (page 25) distinguishes him as an ancient power, this supernatural, mysterious presence, and creates opportunities for some visual playfulness and intrigue. The decaying nature of the throne, and the fact that his main lair is an abandoned cathedral, to me also implies that he may not be as powerful as once was, potentially suggesting some vulnerability.
Byleth as an antagonist ties into the themes of agency and destiny where he shows what Robin could be if he didn’t care about how his agency impacts others, seeking to pass on his role so that he can be free while Robin in turn is imprisoned in a position he does not wish to uphold. It’s interesting how even the character who appears to be the most in control, to have the most agency, is still subject to powers above him (page 83). While we learn why Byleth wants to be involved with Robin, I was also a bit curious if Byleth’s interest in Robin was unique to him (knowing he has to be one with the ‘will to defy destiny’, page 26, unless he is simply trying to butter Robin up) or if it would have been the same for anyone else who he found susceptible enough, to which I get the impression of the latter. I wonder how long it has been and how many times Byleth has singled out a person to manipulate as I feel like more than one person would have waited like Robin did to make their third wish, though Byleth suggesting that there is consequences for this could be good.
Byleth’s motivation being revealed as him wanting Robin to assume his place through the wishes, as he was once a man like him (page 84, and hinted at on page 14), strengthening his position as a foil or parallel, adds a degree of vulnerability and desperation to his character. His hope when Robin reveals that he will make his third wish and let him do what he wants (page 105) is a lovely little touch. Straightforward entertaining bad guys can be very fun, but this wrinkle provides a complexity that advances the themes of this story. I’m curious as to how exactly long Byleth has had this desire, as if he has attempted this more than once with no real success, he would appear somewhat incompetent, or it could be that he just now feels like this and Robin is the closest means through which he can get what he wants.
The Dagger of Destiny (established page 27) feels a bit reminiscent to me of the Subtle Knife from Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials, though that knife cuts through the fabric of reality to access a different one as opposed to changing the existing reality. I’m curious as to whether that was an influence in any way.
The name of the café that Robin meets June at, Rewind Café, reminds me of the time travel coffee shop book Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. I don’t know if you were thinking of it while writing, but I would recommend it in case you want to draw anything from it when it comes to characters experiencing regrets or wishing for things to be different than they are now.
A small sidenote, and I’m not sure if it was intentional, but Robin’s name reminded me or felt like a combination of Bruce Wayne and Robin, and June Valentine reminded me of Jill Valentine from the Resident Evil series. Nothing too distracting or wrong, I simply found it amusing.
Dialogue Notes and Suggestions
The time-skip works and is illustrated clearly through visuals like Robin’s beard and the shift to the Hollywood setting. Robin’s increased monetary interest (page 61) also effectively illustrates his corruption.
The establishing and build-up of Byleth’s existence and power through the use of the billboard (page 4) before he even officially appears is effective, and together with the business card, a strong call to action. Robin’s ripping up of the business card (page 60) to show his severing of his relationship or ties to Byleth is a short but effective visualisation.
Something of note which could be potentially expanded on is Robin’s own internal reality, as there are instances where he is frequently lost in thought, zoning out or in his own head, referencing spotlights and abysses. In drawing attention to how unreliable his own perceptions of the world can be, like how other characters look or sound, this could not only strengthen his character’s inner world but indicate the dangers of getting stuck in one’s internal reality, and how easy it is to lose gratitude and appreciation for the world you live in and the people you are with.
There could potentially be an additional stake/cost to Robin not getting his screenplay picked up. How many chances does he have, maybe an exact, approximate number on the amount of times this kind of rejection has happened, indicating that he has to write something or else he has to pick a different career path, or maybe his mother can’t keep looking after him which is implied and suggested.
The fact that the wish and the dagger of destiny can only be used while in the abandoned cathedral is implied, but it could be mentioned explicitly in dialogue in part of the rules or Byleth’s instructions.
You could include and show what Robin’s script with no name looks like when filmed, so that the audience understand and agrees with Robin that it is bad and absurd that it was successful and won awards, making Robin’s guilt and shame feel all the more palpable.
For Robin’s room (introduced page 9), you could add details as to what it looks like, as this can tell us more about who Robin is. Maybe its barrenness is indicative of how empty his life feels or how he is stuck in a creative rut, or there can be something to show the extent and enormity of his ambitions like books on screenwriting, film posters etc. Little details can go a long way, especially for personal character spaces, and can help to avoid any risk of white room syndrome.
The scattered pages (page 9) is an effective visual to convey the overwhelmed internal state and confused creative spirit of Robin in this moment, with the coffee cup hinting that June is the key to resolving his restlessness. The cleaning up of these scattered pages by the end visually reflects Robin’s clearer mental state and recognition of his own agency.
Logan’s line regarding theatrical release or straight to streaming (page 10) somewhat implies the fate of the film; to be seen or to be forgotten, and attention on one’s project so that it can leave a legacy is something that could relate or play into further in relation to Robin, who is aware of, and stifled by, the importance of the commercial appeal of a script/story.
The contrast in class position, in the way that Robin near the beginning is only able to afford formal wear that is ‘clearly on a budget’ (page 9) compared to all the other people in limousines and formal wear, is an effective touch, and a good point of comparison to when he later accumulates wealth when his script and film are financially and critically successful. It also potentially acts as an underlying commentary on how the privileged have more access to the people and funds to get their projects made, which could possibly be explored further.
Byleth’s ‘something of a writer’ line (page 13) I read as either meaning being the literal author of people’s fates and destinies or could simply be a fabrication to endear himself to Robin. For some reason, possibly because of my internet familiar/poisoned brain, I was reminded of the Green Goblin line from Spiderman.
June kissing Robin on the cheek after telling him she has a boyfriend (page 23) feels a bit like a mixed message. We know they have a connection and she feels it, and this can show it, but it feels a bit too easy.
I was curious if Robin saying he wouldn’t be a failure if his father was around implied that he blames his mother for him being a failure or for their father being dead (page 25). Either way it does feel cruel, so making sure his apology to his mother is significant, whether it be in the fantasy or the rewound time reality (I think the eggs help with this) is a good step.
Something I thought about that could be paralleled even stronger is the contract that Byleth sets for Robin (page 29, specified as comically long) and the contract that Logan and the executives create for Robin for his screenplays (page 91). This could offer witty and poignant commentary on the similarities between capital-oriented business and literal demons (Byleth does liken himself as a salesman).
There is an opportunity to specify what films, shows, or media June and her boyfriend, and Marisa (page 36 and page 97) are watching, whether it be something that resonates with the story’s themes, or foreshadowing future plot beats in the narrative.
There is a nice little call-back to Byleth saying he should have called a lawyer to help sort out his life, only for Robin to eventually call for Byleth as his lawyer when at the police station (page 104).
This is perhaps not necessary, but you could include a voiceover line after the texts appear on the boyfriend’s phone to make it explicit as to how Robin phrased his second wish, which could impact how the audience views Robin as to whether he simply wanted June to break up with her boyfriend or for the boyfriend to have done something horrible.
You could show more of Marisa and Robin’s fracturing relationship since the three-year time skip – showing missed phone calls or unanswered text messages for instance – which can help make the scene where they reunite and Robin apologises and promises to be better all the more powerful and meaningful. It is good to have one or two reminders so that she is not forgotten about in the narrative until toward the end. There doesn’t have to be an explicit secret cost to making a wish that Byleth doesn’t reveal, but if there is then Marisa and Robin’s relationship could act as the thing sacrificed or exchanged for his relationship with June, as implied by page 43.
When Byleth appears at June’s house, there is the opportunity for him to vanish (page 101) like he has done before as opposed to walking out of the house where the police will be. I was also curious as to whether Byleth needs permission or to be invited inside in order to access buildings, just a curiosity.
June’s boyfriend serves his function as an obstacle to Robin (evidenced by the fact that he doesn’t have a name outside of “June’s boyfriend”). I understand he doesn’t need to be that fleshed out, as if the audience likes him it makes Robin appear all the more wrong and selfish, making it difficult to root for him to be together with June. Through him though there is a possibility to get more insight into June as character in regard to what made her like him or want to be with him, what is important to her in a relationship. This is only a suggestion though and not incredibly important.
Below are any misspelling or word corrections I noticed when reading. As a general rule, save any capitalised words for important sounds (BANG, ROAR, PING etc), visual effects (EXPLODES etc), or props and key objects (HANDGUN, CIGARETTE, WANDERER CUP, BYLETH’S BUSINESS CARD) that need to be captured and come back in to play a role in the narrative:
Page 2: Robin is confirmed later on in dialogue to be 23 like June, however it is standard, especially when introducing characters, to give their age, so be sure to do so for him here, and also to put an age reference for Logan
Page 4: decapitalise ‘SINKS’ and ‘SNARKS’
Page 7: decapitalise ‘SIGHS’
Page 9: decapitalise ‘THROWS’ (‘BAM’ already does the trick)
Page 10: decapitalise Logan as he has already been introduced, as well as ‘BADGES’
Page 13: decapitalise ‘RELIGIOUS CULT’
Page 14: can decapitlise ‘GONE’
Page 15: decapitalise Jill Valentine as she has already been introduced, as well as ‘CRYING’
Page 17: decapitalise ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIN’
Page 18: decapitalise ‘ENDS’ and ‘LAUGHING’, as well as ‘CAB’, ‘DANCE FLOOR’ and ‘MUSIC’
Page 21: remove space between ‘through out’
Page 26: decapitalise Byleth as he has already been introduced, as well as ‘DOORS’ and ‘PUSH OPEN’
Page 27: decapitalise ‘PEDESTAL’, possibly ‘VANISHES’
Page 28: decapitalise ‘SEALS’
Page 30: can put V.O for Logan instead of ‘(phone)’
Page 34: decapitalise June as she is not being introduced, as well as ‘PUSHES THE LARGE DOORS’
Page 35: misspelling of ‘you’re’, change to ‘your’
Page 36: potentially decapitalise ‘BLOOD’
Page 36: decapitalise ‘PHONE’ and add apostrophe to ‘boyfriends’
Page 36:
Page 37: remove capitalisation of Robin as he is not being introduced
Page 40: decapitalise ‘PANTING’
Page 45: decapitalise ‘BUTTON’
Page 46: decapitalise Alex if he has already been introduced by name in the cemetery
Page 50: decapitalise ‘SHOOTS’
Page 51: decapitalise ‘SHUTS THE DOOR’
Page 60: add letter ‘d’ to ‘business car[d]’
Page 61: decapitalise ‘PALM TREES’, ‘HOLLYWOOD SIGN”, ‘BEARD’ and ‘INCOMING CALL’
Page 62: decapitalise ‘ALEX’ as he has already been introduced
Page 64: misspelling of ‘siping’, change to ‘sipping’
Page 66: potentially decapitalise engagement ring
Page 67: decapitalise microphone
Page 68: decapitalise ‘JUNE VALENTINE as she has already been introduced’
Page 69: decapitalise ‘GIGGLING’
Page 70: decapitalise ‘RINGS’, ‘DOOR BELL’, maybe ‘SNORES’
Page 73: remove capitalisation of Logan if already introduced
Page 77: decapitalise ‘CROWDED’
Page 79: correct ‘it’s’ change to ‘its’
Page 75: remove capitalisation of ‘RIDE’
Page 79: decapitalize ‘FALLS’
Page 80: decapitalise ‘June jumps in the pool and pulls him out. They GASP for air’
Page 82: decapitalise ‘REMEMBERS’
Page 83: decapitalise ‘KICKS’ and ‘REVOLVER’
Page 85: add ‘s’ to the end of ‘smile’, and decapitalise a number of words on this page
Page 90: change ‘wrote’ to ‘written’
Page 96: decapitalise Marisa as she has already been introduced
Page 104: decapitalise ‘PHONE NUMBER’ and ‘SETTING THE TIME’
Page 108: decapitalise words here (leave ‘BOOM’ and ‘EXPLODE’)
Page 109: decapitalise ‘DROPS DEAD’
Page 117: word correction, add ‘been’ to ‘he’s given a second chance’
Conclusion and Verdict
There is a lot of potential in this script based on the ideas presented, for something not only exciting and moving, but even insightful in relation to how the film industry with its binding contracts and promises of success to fill an emotional void or insecurity is no better than an actual demonic, devilish figure. If the above suggested points are expanded on, particularly with ensuring that the romantic couple get to be both equals with their own agency respected and explored, this has the makings of an edge of your seat, emotionally fulfilling character-focused film. And films like this can form passionate audiences who resonate closely with the feelings of powerlessness, being overwhelmed by the passage of time, and the desire to change, as well as those who are simply fans of sweet but tragic romance and deal-with-the-devil storylines. Writers, artists, and those who work in the creative industry particularly would enjoy this narrative of discovering one’s voice, opening up your heart and being vulnerable, while contending with a relentless commercial business. It does however need some more work before full consideration and recommendation.
